THE FOCUS GROUP establishes why SomethingWonky wins awards every week for Most New Segments In An Australian Political Podcast Hosted By Dave And Jeremy (a niche category, granted)
- We Didn’t Start The Fire checks in on Victoria’s latest scheme to drive people from Morwell, with Hazelwood still burning, more than three weeks on.
- One Door Shuts, Another Opens checks out employment with the new Abbott government
- 50,000 jobs to go in the public service?
- Meanwhile, Tony finds work for 15,000 people in his “Green Army” at half the minimum wage, working without health and safety protections. Because hard manual labor is half as important as any other job in the country and twice as easy. Not clear that the Abbott government understands what the word “minimum” means.
- Also, plenty of work in Scott Morrison’s department, with the revelation that he has 66 departmental spin doctors (plus 33 through customs) whose main job appears to be telling the media to eff off. Easy work, and Scott’s not as stingy as Greg Hunt, offering paying significantly more than half the minimum wage. (Scott’s subcontractors are extremely stingy, sure, paying PNG workers a few dollars a day, but not Australian citizens.)
- My Aunt Was Murdered By An Out Of Control Huon Pine is heartened to finally hear a Prime Minister recognise the real threat to this nation - too many trees.
“We have quite enough national parks. We have quite enough locked up forests already. In fact, in an important respect, we have too much locked up forest.”
- If Tony Doesn’t See It checks in on Tony and Bill at the International Women’s Day breakfast, Tony suggesting the glass ceilings were already smashed so it was fine for him to come along and get them re-glazed, both of them searching for nice things to say about their daughters and coming up with “beautiful” because FEMINISM IS REDUNDANT.
- This Is What Happens When You Privatise National Assets joins Tony Abbott in asking - why shouldn’t Qantas have all the advantages of being the national carrier with none of the disadvantages? Or are Qantas and The Coalition now at war?
- Qantas “led to believe” sacking 5,000 workers will lead to government support, asks for $3 billion unsecured loan
- Joe Hockey and Tony Abbott claim the “carbon tax” is behind Qantas’ woes
- Qantas issues statement saying “no it isn’t”
- Joe then tells cabinet “if the airline was unfazed by a $106 million carbon tax bill, it could not be in serious trouble” and the Coalition says no to help other than putting a bill to parliament that won’t pass
- Qantas points out such a bill won’t pass.
- Abbott reveals how much money Qantas asked for and suggests Qantas managers are crap: “Look, if you go back over the last decade, for much of the time Qantas has been hugely profitable. Now, under good management, there is no reason why Qantas cannot be very profitable; there’s no reason why Qantas can’t continue to be one of the world’s great airlines.”
- Other companies take note - if you want the help of the Australian taxpayer under the Coalition, you have to blame your woes on the “carbon tax” loudly and often.
- The Dog Ate My Homework Assignment (About Not Decimating Australian Industry) asks, is there anything Tony Abbott can’t blame on the carbon tax?
- What The Hell Are You Doing!??! is astonished at the Labor Party actually complaining that the Coalition is being too slow in putting its terrible policies before the parliament to become legislation. Dear Tony Burke, PLEASE SHUT UP.
- Tess Newton-Cain has whinging leftists smearing the good people of the Pacific Stuck In Her Craw
- David Bridie points out “the people of Manus Island are neither primitive nor a pushover. They have the highest literacy rate in PNG, and Manusians punch above their weight in terms of top public service positions”
- Former migration agent on Manus Island Liz Thompson declines to speak at the Close Manus rally because she thinks the protest is a bit too focused on lefty Australians rather than the victims of the policy. She asks, how about not in their name, rather than not in “my” name?
- Three minutes of Oh God Manus Island Oh God
- Where you can spend $3m on a kitchen in a tent
- We “saw them go in with machetes”
- Witnesses claim G4S actually let locals into the centre to deal with refugees
- “ASYLUM-SEEKERS whose refugee claims are decided on Manus Island will be subjected to a much tougher assessment process” (which can only mean that that whole “law” thing has been thrown out and replaced by providing decision-makers with a giant red “no” button instead.)
- PNG local working for Salvation Army accused of the death of Reza Berati while staff “scrub clean” site of Berati’s death and remove evidence.
- Manus Island confirms it won’t take refugees
- So many leaks in Government’s hush-hush policy begging question - why are they bothering? They raise and lower the curtain of secrecy so inconsistently, and have such a vast army of random contractors engaged, how can they expect to control information when they want to? And doesn’t their “deterrence” theory require the bad news to get out anyway?
- Jessica Rudd, the daughter of the architect of the PNG scheme, writes a tone-deaf piece in The Brisbane Times about that time she got away from some awful smog in Beijing which, on the plus side, was trying to encourage compassion for refugees, but, on the other, kind of unwittingly suggested their plight is as minor as hers. TO BE FAIR her dad is not her fault.
- An even earlier ALP foreign minister, Gareth Evans, who had once developed the United Nations peace plan for Cambodia that allowed the country to emerge from the Khmer Rouge’s reign of terror, bombings, invasion and civil war, called for its current leader, Hun Sen, also a former Khmer Rouge agent, to be censured and sanctioned for his violent repression of opponents and unbelievable corruption. The present foreign minister, Julie Bishop, continues to ask Cambodia to take our refugees.
- OK ENOUGH’S ENOUGH looks at the hoary old lie that reducing our mistreatment of refugees “caused 1100 deaths”.
- Miranda Devine calls hypocrite first
- Is it “impossibly idealistic” to oppose offshore detention?
- What makes these people think that by sending refugees back you’re saving their lives, for example, when you send them back to Myanmar where Rohingyas are being massacred.
STOP THE PRESS directs all complaints to The Australian.
- The Australian starts apologising for other people
- Malcolm Turnbull, launching The Saturday Paper, refers to “demented plutocrat”, totally did not mean Rupert Murdoch, meant some other demented plutocrat “pouring more and more money into a loss making venture that is just going to peddle [his] opinions”.
- Channel Seven might well manage to get Schapelle Corby’s parole revoked, hopefully providing a handy reminder to Australians and our hack media that parole DOESN’T ACTUALLY MEAN BEING FREE SO STOP REPORTING MINIMUM SENTENCES AS IF THEY’RE THE WHOLE SENTENCE thank you.
- The Age cruelly mocks monarchists by running (as if it were a straight news story) the not at all laughablecomplaints of salt-of-the-Earth Melburnians from Toorak with names straight out of central casting about the young UK royals “snubbing” the city by missing it on their visit and denying them a chance to “try their moves” on Kate:
James Griffiths of Toorak - ”a stalwart and ongoing believer in the Commonwealth of Nations, and an unabashed admirer of the stoicism of Queen Elizabeth II” - was disappointed in the ”glaring omission” from the April tour diary. Back in 1983, the Geelong Grammar old boy was lucky enough to meet Princess Diana at the opening of Bourke Street Mall. There is even a photo of a tuxedoed teenage Mr Griffiths kissing the hand of the Princess of Wales. He laments that no young Melburnian monarchist will have the chance to try that same move on Kate Middleton on her first trip here.
Shall we leave with Scott Ludlum’s heartwarming defence of WA?